


They're All They've Ever Had

by heart_attackles



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Contest Entry, Letters, M/M, Weecest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-19
Updated: 2014-05-19
Packaged: 2018-01-25 16:40:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1655333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heart_attackles/pseuds/heart_attackles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Letter from John to Bobby describing his feelings about Sam and Dean's relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	They're All They've Ever Had

Bobby,

 

I need you to keep the boys for a while. I can't face how much I've failed them. I see it every time I look at them, and I can't do anything about it. I should have acted sooner. We all knew what was happening, but I didn't want to accept it. Do you remember that time when Sam was fourteen? They stayed at your place while we took out some vamps in Montana. Remember how we came in and found them asleep together on the couch? You asked me if it was normal for them to do that. You suggested that they might be a little too close. I was so pissed at you, but I knew you were right. Boys their ages shouldn't be that close and I should've done something about it then before it was too late. But, instead, I took my frustration about it out on you and I just kept denying it. I never got a chance to apologize for that. You didn't see the boys for months after that and I'm sorry. I wish I could apologize for this that easily, but I can't. I know this isn't going to change. My sons look at each other with lust in their eyes and I can't fix it. My boys are damned and it's all my fault. And I'm damned with them, because I should've done something differently. I fooled myself into believing they just had a special connection because of their mother's death and the fact that I was gone a lot. Now I can't change what I've done or what I've caused. But, that's why this is happening, isn't it? I was never there. They never had anyone but each other. How am I supposed to live with that? How am I supposed to look at them everyday when I know the truth? How am I supposed to live with myself when I've caused this? What am I gonna do, Bobby? I can't take them away from each other. The lust I see in their eyes isn't the only thing there, you know? As sick as it makes me, they're in love. Madly and desperately in love, and maybe I'm the fucked up one because I can't take them apart. I know what it feels like to lose the person you love and I can't imagine subjecting my boys to that kind of pain. Brothers or not. Hell, I don't think we'd be able to keep them apart if we tried. And I don't think it would be fair to. I let this happen and I can't punish them for it. You might disagree with that, but I'm asking you to respect it. I don't want them to know that I know and I can't deal with this anymore. If you can't do this, I think I'll have to leave them on their own and I don't want to do that. I hope you won't think of them too differently, Bobby. They're still just the boys. They argue like brothers, they're as bratty as any other teenage boy, and, for they're age, they're damned good hunters. I'm still proud of them and I don't love them any less. Maybe one day I'll be able to look past my own mistakes enough to tell them that. But, until then, I need them to be safe. Please, do this for them? They're not wrong or twisted. They just don't know anything past one another. 

 

Regretfully,  
John Winchester


End file.
